Family and Kinship

Although the Dutch have become increasingly Canadian in their outlook and practices, they have preserved, in large measure, the focus on the family that was so important in the Netherlands and in their early years in Canada. Originally authoritarian and strongly patriarchal, sometimes more in appearance than in reality, the family has become more democratic over time. Respect for parents and elders remains important, however, and many members of the second and third generations still seek help and advice from parents and grandparents and look to their personal relationships as models for their own. Family and kinship ties are considered important, and birthdays, baptisms, marriages, funerals, and Sunday gatherings remain essential for maintaining contact. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Mother’s and Father’s days bring extended families, often from great distances, to the homes of elders. The visit of an old-country relative is generally a welcome occasion. Though letter writing, whether overseas or to other places in Canada, has diminished over time, it continues to play a part and is augmented by the use of the telephone.

As the role of women has been redefined in the larger society, transformation has also occurred in the Dutch community. The father played the most powerful role among the predominantly rural immigrants who made up much of the early movement to Canada, but urbanization and integration have brought about a gradual accommodation to changing customs and expectations. It should be noted, however, that wives were not without power under the old system. Many controlled what happened in their domain, the house, while husbands were responsible for family matters outside the home. Decisions that related to the family and its survival were seldom made only by the man, and as a result, patriarchy did not generally lead to oppressive or exploitative relationships. Though democratic marriages predominate in the community today, many Neo-Calvinists see value in a system that places the man at the head of the family.

Just as the roles of husband and wife have been redefined, so too have those of the children. On the farm in the first years of settlement, the children’s labour was critical to the survival of the family. Exploitation and an end to educational opportunities or to hopes for a life off the farm sometimes resulted. Such experiences had a deep and lasting impact on interpersonal relations. As the Dutch moved into the cities in the 1950s, the children’s contribution to the family’s financial welfare could often be made without limiting their education. Canadian society began to lay greater stress upon an educated workforce, and immigrant parents and children responded to the opportunities. Education and integration meant that these children increasingly adopted Canadian ideas, not only about work but also about family relations. Generational conflict was to be expected, but it was usually a passing phase as the children attempted to create a new life for themselves. When they married, often outside the community, they attempted to retain close family ties but in a more democratic structure.

Intermarriage has become more common as the differences between Dutch Canadians and their fellow citizens have disappeared. The second and third generations accept the inevitability of choice outside the ethnic group, and the greater Canadianization of their parents and grandparents makes such an option acceptable. Only in the most orthodox Calvinist groups has this tendency been opposed, and then only on religious grounds. National prejudices have, for the most part, disappeared. The result of intermarriage has been, of course, the sloughing off of any “Dutchness” that these Canadian-born individuals might have acquired. Most third-generation members of the community have little awareness of their ethnic origins, and it is only in Neo-Calvinist circles, as a result in large measure of the nature of church membership, that some distinctiveness has been preserved.

The strong emphasis upon the family in the Dutch-Canadian community has meant that certain groups hold definite views about issues relating to the welfare of society. Catholic and Protestant Dutch alike regard the family as the most important institution in society and child rearing as an honourable and rewarding task. As the offspring of the immigrants began leaving home, parents turned to the fostering of children who were wards of social-welfare agencies. The agencies found that the Dutch-Canadian family generally provided a stable home with fair and impartial discipline. These homes also came to be a refuge for abused and neglected children in need of protection. Such care often led to the adoption of children who were regarded as difficult to place. Mixed-race, emotionally disturbed, physically or mentally disabled, and older children were accepted into the community. Even today, many second-generation Dutch families carry on the tradition of foster care and adoption that was begun by their parents.

Although there is general agreement about the importance of the family, not all members of the community hold the same views about such questions as birth control, abortion, or divorce. Birth control is not an issue for the majority of Dutch Protestants and Catholics, especially those in their childbearing years. Contraception remains a problem for many older Catholics, but does not present one for the Protestants. Abortion is unacceptable to many in the Roman Catholic and Neo-Calvinist communities. In both groups the churches have been unequivocal in their opposition on religious grounds. It is not clear how Dutch Canadians outside these two groups feel about the issue, but no doubt they support the general Canadian consensus on the right to choose. Divorce is accepted and sometimes seen as necessary, but unwelcome. The Neo-Calvinist community encourages marriage of partners with similar religious background, and given its strong commitment to the sacred values of the institution, it enjoys a lower divorce rate than other groups in the community. Among all Dutch Canadians, divorce is seen as disruptive of the family, but outside the Calvinist group it is as common as elsewhere in Canadian society.

Although the community as a whole has generally left the provision of social welfare to the public institutions, Neo-Calvinists have regarded it as an opportunity for Christian service. One of the first areas that they became involved in was the provision of retirement housing for their ageing church members. They also attempted to establish social-service organizations that would deal with clients’ problems from a Christian perspective. Counselling services and organizations to assist the mentally ill and the handicapped have developed from this interest. The Neo-Calvinist community has also supported local and world relief efforts together with other Canadian churches and generally seeks to play an active part in worldwide issues.