Family and Kinship

Although the nuclear family, composed of husband, wife, and offspring, forms the basic unit of Filipino society, the extended family, including a wide range of relatives from both the husband’s and the wife’s side, is also of paramount importance. Both are traditionally characterized by strong ties and a sense of solidarity. Emotional support, financial aid, the sharing of responsibilities, and the pooling of resources are provided whenever the need arises. Filipinos trace their ancestry through both the paternal and maternal lines, and there is no bias in favour of either the mother’s or the father’s side. The bilateral nature of the family is demonstrated by the absence of distinctive terms referring to paternal or maternal relatives. The Filipino kinship system is thus in marked contrast to family relationships in other Asian countries, where descent is essentially patrilineal. Members of a Filipino family are nevertheless identified by the husband’s or father’s surname, though some Filipino women who had attained success in their profession before marriage affix their own surname to that of their husband. Other married women use their birth name alone.

Less fixed in Filipino practice is the pattern of residence. Married couples may live with either the wife’s or the husband’s family or on their own. In most rural areas, the newly married live initially with one set of parents until they are financially able to manage by themselves. The Filipino family is egalitarian in nature, with authority shared more or less equally between the husband and wife. Although the husband represents the family in public, acts on its behalf, and is the recognized head, the wife shares responsibility by handling domestic chores and holding the family purse strings. Equality between the sexes is illustrated by the treatment accorded to sons and daughters. Regardless of gender, all children inherit an equal share of the family property. Sons-in-law and daughters-in-law are also accepted without discrimination.

Before the arrival of the Spaniards, Filipino women assumed positions of leadership and were often involved in making major decisions in the tribe as well as in the family. Spanish colonial rule may have curtailed some of their rights, but women still have considerable influence and a high status in Philippine society. Since many have received a university education, they often hold important positions in the workplace. Until the end of World War II, most women entered traditional careers such as teaching and nursing. Increasingly, however, they have assumed administrative and executive posts in banking and finance, business, industry, science and technology, and a number of health professions, including medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, and midwifery. As a result in part of their numbers, women are the prime movers of many Filipino voluntary associations in Canada.

The Filipino family is often described as child centred. Children are valued for the joy and happiness that they bring, as economic assets, and for providing security to parents in their old age. Parents transmit to them the traditional values of love and respect for elders, good interpersonal relations with relatives, friends, and neighbours, honesty and hard work, and the fear of God. Relations between siblings are characterized by mutual love, respect, and protection. Furthermore, authority and responsibility are based on age. The older children, male or female, assume responsibility for the younger ones and are expected to take care of them in the parents’ absence. In fact, the eldest child may even punish younger siblings if they misbehave. In return, the younger children are taught to show respect for their older brothers and sisters. It is considered impolite to address them by their first names. Distinct terms of respect based on birth order are learned in childhood and are carried over into adult life. It is not uncommon for older children to forego their education or postpone marriage in order to help the younger ones through school.

Traditionally, the elderly are treated with love and respect. Grandparents play a significant role in the Filipino family. They are consulted on family matters and participate in decision making. Because they have accumulated a wealth of experience and wisdom, their advice is followed. Grandmothers who are still in good health help with child rearing and household chores, and, next to the parents, are a major influence on the children’s development. It was long common for children, in a tradition known as mano, to kiss the right hand of their elders, including parents, grandparents, and uncles and aunts, as a way of showing respect. In urban centres this practice is not as commonly followed as in the past. Instead, respect is shown by kissing the elderly person on the cheek, offering him or her a seat, or carrying the groceries. The so-called empty-nest syndrome that is characteristic of Western society is not common in the Philippines. When the children have embarked on lives of their own, the elderly couple or widowed parent does not usually live alone. Such individuals belong to an extended family that supports and cares for aged parents and grandparents.

Common ancestry forms the basis of kinship in the Philippines, but the family is extended to include affinal and ritual kin as well. The spouse’s parents, siblings, and other relatives become one’s affinal kin. Although they are considered less important than those related by blood, they nevertheless form an important part of the kinship network. Ritual or ceremonial kin are those acquired through such ceremonies as baptism, confirmation, and marriage. On these occasions, there are at least two sponsors, a ninong (godfather) and a ninang (godmother). They, as well as their families, become the ritual kin of the sponsored, a practice called compadrazgo, or ritual co-parenthood. New relationships are established by this system. The godson or god-daughter is treated like a son or daughter by the godparents, who in turn are accorded by their godchildren the respect that they would receive from their own children. A pseudo-sibling relationship is created between the sponsored person and the children of the godparents. The co-parents address each other as kumpadre or kumpare (male) and kumadre or kumare (female).

During the pre-Spanish period, marriages were arranged by the parents. A dowry or bride price (bigay kaya) consisting of money or land was given to the bride’s parents by the groom. The bride price served as a form of compensation for the expenses incurred in bringing up a daughter. It also reflected the social status of the groom. As well, he was expected to render certain services to the girl’s parents, a practice that was regarded as a test of the man’s industry. In some remote rural areas, parental involvement in the arrangement of marriages, often with the help of intermediaries, is still the norm. Chaperonage was strictly adhered to during the Spanish era and is still practised in some rural districts to safeguard the chastity of young women before marriage. The present trend, particularly in the urban areas, is towards young people selecting their own mates, although the influence of parents is still felt and their approval sought. Those from the countryside who attend college or university in urban centres are increasingly exposed to the Western ideas of love and courtship. As soon as the couple decide to get married, a date is set when the man’s parents, accompanied by other close relatives, call on the woman’s family to ask for her hand in marriage, a custom known as pamanhikan. A religious ceremony is widely preferred because of the influence of the Catholic Church. In some instances, a young couple may elope and have a civil marriage. It would be followed by a church ceremony once the parents become reconciled to the union.

In Canada, the Filipino family is in a state of transition. For example, with both husband and wife employed outside the home, there is a tendency for the woman to become more assertive. Husbands feel threatened because their traditional role as head of the family is being challenged. Moreover, they are expected to perform household chores that are customarily carried out by wives in the home country. Some of them may feel that doing such tasks is undignified and demeaning to their masculinity. It is equally a challenge to traditional cultural values for a Filipino woman to support the family when the husband is unemployed. Thus, for the family to survive in Canada, couples must make compromises at the expense of traditional values. Despite some modification in gender roles in the home, however, most Filipino women expect their husbands to protect them, open doors for them, and offer them a seat in public.

Children of immigrant families are caught in conflicting value systems. They feel that too much parental restriction is exerted over them, and they want to be independent just like their non-Filipino friends. The traditional practice of children living with their parents until they are married or start working away from home is gradually being abandoned. Fathers may feel a responsibility to discipline their sons for showing disrespect and disobedience. But since schools inform their students about rising levels of family violence and urge children to report such abuse to the proper authorities, some Filipino boys tell their fathers that they will make a complaint if they are spanked. Parents may disapprove of their children dating at an early age or showing affection in public. It is clear that Filipino young people in Canada have accepted a different set of values. In spite of such problems, immigrant families have adapted by maintaining some traditional values at the same time as they accept changes.

Because of the influx of older Filipinos in recent years and the legal requirement that their sponsors guarantee their support, the elderly are likely to live with their children, at least initially. Such arrangements create multigenerational households, with ramifications that may be both positive and negative. On the positive side, unless grandmothers are ill or disabled, they can always provide assistance with household chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, sewing, and babysitting. This help is definitely welcomed by the daughter or daughter-in-law who works full-time or part-time outside the home. The grandmother’s presence may be especially needed in times of illness or during childbirth. Moreover, grandparents can transmit traditional cultural values to the grandchildren when the parents cannot find time to do so. The elderly, in turn, are cared for by the younger generations. When family obligations are reciprocated, the presence of grandparents in the home tends to strengthen family ties. On the negative side, a multigenerational household may result in family conflict. Attitudes towards child rearing may be at variance. Young mothers may adopt a more permissive style in dealing with their children, whereas the grandmothers may cling to traditional discipline as the proper approach to their upbringing. As well, since most elderly Filipinos are retired when they join their adult children, their presence is likely to place an economic burden on the household.

Because Filipino immigration to Canada has been characterized by the predominance of females over males, particularly in the age range of twenty to thirty-five, the community has had to deal with an imbalance between the sexes at the marriageable age. In consequence, more Filipino women than men have married across ethnic lines. According to one study, approximately 80 percent of women, as opposed to 95 percent of men, married within their own community. Of the marriages that occurred with non-Filipinos, roughly 9 percent of women married Canadian-born men and 12 percent foreign-born. In contrast, only about 3 percent of Filipino men are married to Canadian-born women and 2 percent to the foreign-born. These marriages have resulted in a new generation of children with only one Filipino parent.